Discovering Dan: the first year

I was looking back through the chats of a fan forum I used to spend time on, when I came across me talking about Dan. I got side tracked then, sifting through the conversations to see what I had said about him at the beginning of my crush.Β my memory isn’t always the greatest, especially when dealing with dates, so I often mix up the timeline of events.

newbie me, practicing for my fangirl license

It was informative to see what I had said about Dan, as a complete newbie, and how specific roles and interviews influenced what I sought out next. what follows are excerpts from those posts (and a few e-mails too).


April 3, 2017- I’ve recently found a new rabbit hole to fall into: Dan Stevens. Downton Abbey fans know him as Matthew (I’ve still not seen any of that show, not one episode. or even clips from it, just screen captures) but I just discovered him through the FX show Legion. I had no idea he was British before I clicked on an interview for Beauty and The Beast! his voice is delicious. I just started looking into him a few days ago, so who knows how deep into the rabbit hole I’ll actually fall. it’s nice to get excited for someone new now & then though, to supplement my other obsessions πŸ˜‰Β 


April 4, 2017- [friend mentions how Dan lost a lot of weight to become an ‘american star’ and that she misses Cousin Matthew’s cheeks] wow, he did lose a lot of weight! I like his angular face tho. the jaw and the adam’s apple and those lanky limbs…


[I complain about Photobucket not working. friend tells me to quit screwing around and watch Downton Abbey instead] I did just watch a trailer thing for it, so now I can at least say I’ve watched some of it πŸ˜‰ it showed Matthew & his mom coming to the estate for the first time. Matthew talked about his job & that it wouldn’t be a problem b/c he’d still help run the estate, even on the weekend. then Maggie’s character asked what a weekend was.


April 6, 2017- Photobucket is still not working for me. they did send an e-mail to say that they’re aware of the problem & are working on it. do they not care that I’m in the midst of a new crush?! πŸ˜›
Interviewer: right now, when you think about your fans, who are they? for example, my mom is a really big fan.

Dan Stevens: there you go! your mom. I’ve always wanted that to be an answer to a question. Your mom.


April 10, 2017- [friend asked if Legion was any good. she also said to watch The Guest, which she claimed wasn’t good but worth it for the eye candy] yes, Legion is how I first found him. the season is over now but it’s been renewed for a 2nd, so I’m really happy about that! the first episode was kinda weird, artsy, and you really weren’t sure what was going on. after that though, it pulls you in; you’re still confused but you want to stick with it to find out what’s actually happening. as it goes along it gets creepy and fun and more weird- I really liked it. I haven’t looked that forward to watching a show since Lost ended 😎

The Guest– I’ve seen a lot of press for that one (I’ve been spending an embarrassing amount of time on youtube watching interviews b/c I love his voice & facial expressions) it looks good, in a ‘don’t expect too much plot but have fun watching me beat people up’ kind of way, and I’m all for that πŸ˜›Β 

I also took my daughter to see Beauty and The Beast this weekend. it was really good! I was never all that attached to the animated version. I watched it, of course, but we were what, 16-17 when it came out? but seeing it look so real was impressive.


April 11, 2017- just popping in again to say I watched the movie [The Guest] this morning & I LOVED IT, LOL! it had a very 1980s feel to it, I miss those cheesy movies 😎 I love when bad guys skip the monologuing & just shoot people. it’s unexpected, and then I laugh at myself for my vocal reactions πŸ˜› so now I can add twisted sense of humor to the ‘things to know about Dan’ list πŸ˜‰Β 


April 19, 2017- I just discovered the Carte Noire series, where Dan Stevens reads excerpts from classic books. Holy Shit! 😯 his voice, his facial expressions, his eyes… “are you sitting comfortably? then I’ll begin”


May 5, 2017-Β it’s hard to connect with other fans when you’re in a different place, fan wise, then they are. and yet it’s really exciting when you find fans that you know through one crush who also share your crush on someone else…so you need to look into Dan Stevens. I’ll wait. *plays outdated muzak*

me, biding my time until you all catch up.


May 23, 2017-Β Dan checks off all the boxes and fits in a way I didn’t expect. serendipity.


June 7, 2017- I’m crushing HARD on Dan Stevens. I’d apologize for not having a thought in my head that doesn’t concern him, but I’m not sorry. here’s a random vid, b/c I’m in love w/his eyes:


September 20, 2017- well, I’ve gone and done it. I’m watching Downton Abbey for the first time 😯 I’m two episodes in, and I love it already. damn it!


September 21, 2017- I watched the whole first season in one day πŸ™„ I get it now. I understand the Matthew love. as I was watching the scene where Mary & Matthew make out at the dinner table, my son and husband were carrying on a conversation in the same room as me, talking to each other across the room from each other. I didn’t want to miss any part of that scene, so I backed it up and watched it again…twice. son was affronted, and I said, “but they finally kiss!! I CANNOT miss that. it’s really important” πŸ˜† I knew that I’d love Matthew but I did not expect to love all the other characters too. well, except for Thomas. he was horrible.

horrible, but fun

I know that Matthew eventually joins the war & gets injured, so I’m curious to see that. I was surprised to learn that Dan himself had a back injury and lost the use of his legs for a time, due to a sports accident. so when people were saying that Matthew walking again was far fetched & not possible, he was like, yes it is! b/c it happened to me 😎 


November 27, 2017- [friend asks if I’ve finished Downton Abbey] I watched the first season, but I’m afraid to continue! I’ve gobbled up enough fanfic to know the storyline, and I’m just not sure I want to put myself through the heartache (Lavinia, unrequited love, wounded Matthew).


December 17, 2017- I just read an interview with Dan where he said he saved the hubcap of the car that killed Matthew Crawley, “is that weird? it’s a memorial” πŸ˜€


I still haven’t seen seasons 2 and 3 of Downton Abbey. I’m not really sure why. maybe I like the distinction of being a Dan Stevens fan who wasn’t a Downton fan first.

we do exist



range of being

Don’t you see yourself in every picture you love? You feel a radiance wash through you. It’s something you can’t analyze or speak about clearly. What are you doing at that moment? You’re looking at a picture on a wall. That’s all. But it makes you feel alive in the world. It tells you yes, you’re here. And yes, you have a range of being that’s deeper and sweeter than you knew.

~Don DeLillo, Cosmopolis

Movie Challenge: Childhood Favorite

8.) A favorite movie from your childhood

answer: The Wizard of Oz

When I was young, The Wizard of Oz was shown on television once a year. I always looked forward to watching the beloved classic, even though I could never get much farther than the castle scene without nodding off to sleep. my mother would say it must be because of the poppies.

poppies will put them to sleep. sleeep…

The black and white portion of the movie scared me. I found Miss Gulch more frightening than her green skinned counterpart; real life monsters are much scarier than pretend ones. my grandmother had a neighbor who reminded me of the real world Wicked Witch, always chasing me away from where I rode my bike or tried to sled ride in the winter, even though it wasn’t her property to guard in the first place. I could easily picture her trying to take someone’s dog away from them.

But I knew if I could just get through the black and white portion of the movie, then all the fun would begin when it switched to color!

Meeting each of the main players was something I eagerly anticipated. Scarecrow, who was smart even though he claimed to need a brain.

(and now that song will be stuck in my head for the next 3 days)


The Tin Man, who was gentle and caring even though he thought he lacked a heart.

(my favorite part of the whole movie)


and The Cowardly Lion, who may have been timid but fought to protect his friends.

I’ll go in there for Dorothy. Wicked Witch or no Wicked Witch, guards or no guards, I’ll tear them apart. I may not come out alive, but I’m going in there.

The way the Wicked Witch popped up and caused trouble was concerning, but the scariest thing childhood me thought she did was try to keep Dorothy from getting back to Auntie Em. that crystal ball scene got me every time!

In the end, they all realized that what they were ‘missing’ was within them the whole time, just not in the way they expected it to be. that lesson left a big impression upon me as a child. it suggested to me that the conventional way of doing things wasn’t the only way of doing things.

The Wizard of Oz may be considered a children’s movie, but it’s lessons have carried me through adulthood as well. life is full of wicked witches who try to make everyone around them feel as unhappy as they do, and people who hide behind curtains pretending to be much more than they are. sometimes we need reminded that home isn’t really a place but a feeling that lives inside of you, and to not let ourselves get so wrapped up in trying to reach Oz that we miss all that the yellow brick road has to offer along the way.


Movie Challenge: most quotable


7.) A Movie That You Know Practically The Whole Script Of

answer: Back To The Future

So much of my everyday lingo consists of Β dialogue from movies, that I often forget I’m actually quoting them; lines from ‘Monty Python and The Holy Grail’, ‘Spaceballs’, and ‘The Princess Bride’, just to name a few. The movie that I’m most familiar with though, is ‘Back To The Future’.

I was already smitten with Michael J. Fox, due to his role as Alex P. Keaton on ‘Family Ties’, but seeing him as Marty McFly sealed the deal for 13 year old me. I took up skateboarding because of this movie. I wasn’t very good, mind you, but flipping that skateboard up into my hands like he did gave me a giddy sense of satisfaction. as did adopting a similar clothing style.

just like this. except my suspenders were blue


Quotes that I still use, over 30 years later:


They found me. I don’t know how but they found me. run for it, Marty!


What the hell is a gigawatt?!


I’m you’re density


Dad, Dad, Daddy-O


If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything


I may not skateboard anymore, or wear suspenders and a jean jacket (I really miss my jean jacket, by the way. it had tiny gold safety pins on the back arranged in a big peace sign, that were pinned by hand *sighs nostalgically*) but I still love this movie and I still think Marty McFly is an absolute dream.


up next: a favorite movie from your childhood

One True Sentence

‘All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.’

So finally I would write one true sentence, and then go on from there. It was easy then because there was always one true sentence that I knew or had seen or had heard someone say. If I started to write elaborately, or like someone introducing or presenting something, I found that I could cut that scrollwork or ornament out and throw it away and start with the first true simple declarative sentence I had written. ~Ernest Hemingway, ‘A Moveable Feast’