If you’re anything like me, then you aren’t just crushing on your alternate universe bae because of his looks or the characters he plays on screen, but also for what he shows of himself in interviews and appearances- his sense of humor and playfulness, his intelligence and professionalism, his gentlemanly manners, his likes and dislikes; the clay we use to sculpt him into our perfect match. as our admiration grows and blossoms, we look forward to spending time with our crush through video interviews and photographs. we regularly indulge in his talent with his movies, television roles, and audio recordings. we’re so proud of our guy! we want to show him off like parents with a portfolio of pictures in our wallets. so we tweet and we blog and we Tumblr, and we read other tweets and blogs and Tumblrs from people who are just as proud. well, maybe not just as proud because we all know that no one loves him as much as we do, but they think they do, so we humor them. it’s good, it’s great, it’s wonderful! until somewhere down the line, it starts to unravel.
maybe we’re not as interested in every single project he signs on for anymore. maybe we’ve seen so many photos of him that we start scrolling past when they show up in our timelines. maybe those other fans start annoying us with their drama, their misinformation, or their overuse of exclamation points. so we mute a few accounts, prune our subscriptions, limit our visits to all those Tumblrs. sometimes these changes are enough, distance makes the heart grow fonder. but sometimes a quick fix won’t do.
In the summer of 2012, I was blindsided by the news that Kristen Stewart had been caught cheating on Robert Pattinson. I felt betrayed on his behalf, I felt disappointed when he didn’t automatically break up with her, I felt relieved that I now had something to blame. I had been waiting for a push, a reason to move on from my crush on Rob and the Twilight fandom, and here it was. so I left. it’s not you, it’s me. I just don’t feel the way I used to. it’s better this way. it took a long time before seeing his picture brought nostalgic smiles instead of frowns, but it did happen. it was an odd reaction for me to take it so personally, I’m not really sure why I did. I was not a Robsten shipper, my dreams were not shattered by their relationship fail. it was just the last straw and I was mad that it was. I moved on quickly, and didn’t look back.
when Richard Armitage started disappointing me, it was a little different. I hid my head in the sand so that I wouldn’t see, I put my fingers in my ears so that I couldn’t hear, I misplaced my dissatisfaction onto other fan’s shoulders so that I wouldn’t have to admit to myself that it was the beginning of the end for me. I stepped back from the fandom, but that didn’t work. I threw myself back in, but that didn’t work. I found a backup bae to take some of the pressure off, but that didn’t really work either. I was stuck- no longer happy but refusing to move on. after taking an introspective look at myself, I was finally able to get there.
so if your guy no longer fits you anymore, it’s not as dire as it may seem. you’ll feel sad for awhile but odds are, you’ll find it all again with someone new, when you’re ready. and your new guy? he’ll be so swoony that you’ll wonder how you could have ever felt so strongly for those other guys. you’ll see.