[The ‘Yours in Armitage’ series is a collection of posts documenting my changing perceptions about my celebrity crush on Richard Armitage, using excerpts from past correspondence to help me come to terms with the uncertainties. I’m sharing this writing exercise in order to illustrate the highs and lows a fan can go through]
July 29, 2015- I know some are assuming I’m going to leave Richard behind and chase Jamie Dornan instead, but I’m not going to throw myself into another obsession like that (fandom, fan-blog, etc.) I just don’t have the energy!
Being part of a fandom does take energy, whether you’re creating and posting or following and commenting, but the interaction can be beneficial. it can also be tiring at times, frustrating, a responsibility that I don’t always want to deal with. especially if I lose track of Richard in the process. that may sound odd, how can Richard get lost within his own fandom? it literally revolves around him! but sometimes it becomes more about fan interaction than the object of our affection. that’s not always a bad thing, many fans say that’s a plus for them, they came here for Richard but stay for the fans. it’s a heartwarming thought but it’s not true for me. I enjoy the fans, but I need Richard; he’s why I’m here.
I’ve been involved in three different fandoms in my time online as a fangirl. each experience has been unique, but not, at the same time. overall there have been more pros than cons, but there’s something they’ve all shared: ‘curiosity killed the cat’; the more I know about the crush, the higher my expectations rise. my quest to acquire insight into what makes them tick and how that influences their acting, creating a depth that continually draws me to them, can sometimes backfire into raising my expectations to unattainable levels; my pedestals are high. so with Jamie Dornan, I decided to adjust my approach. I switched from ‘all’ to ‘just enough’ instead. know just enough about him to draw me in, just enough to keep me interested, just enough to touch me in a meaningful way.
I’m not part of the Jamie Dornan fandom. I follow a few fan accounts on Twitter but no blogs, forums, or fan groups. my interaction with the fandom is zero. the Twitter accounts keep me updated on current happenings, but I mostly follow them for the random pictures and quotes that they post. this way, I never lose track of Jamie, or myself. this has carried over into my side interests as well, those ‘for the moment’ actors that I’m curious about and follow for awhile. I feel an even less need to know about their personal lives/background than I did before. a quick run down of their career and a general feel for their off screen personality is usually all it takes to satisfy me these days. I’m done with the extensive biographies, the unabridged list of interviews and appearances, the clothing portfolios. I like not knowing. I like being surprised.
I’m not joining another fandom, I like this one. I’m not trading Richard Armitage for Jamie Dornan, I can keep them both. my need for absolutes is changing. I’m giving myself permission to just like what I like. it sounds simple, but for me, it’s a big step.
Yours in Armitage,