[The ‘Yours in Armitage’ series is a collection of posts documenting my changing perceptions about my celebrity crush on Richard Armitage, using excerpts from past correspondence to help me come to terms with the uncertainties. I’m sharing this writing exercise in order to illustrate the highs and lows a fan can go through]
July 22, 2013- I try to keep a level head and ground myself in reality as much as I can. certain things get under my skin still and will rile me up, but I calm down a lot quicker than I used to; Richard calms me. it may be him, it may be the encouraging atmosphere of this fandom, or it may just be my experience/age. I think it’s a combination of all three, but I’ll credit Richard!
When I first started blogging about Richard Armitage in May of 2013, fangirling about him did calm me. I felt as if I’d finally found my place, on blog and in the RA fandom at large. as with the beginning stages of any celebrity crush, my world revolved around him: hunting down and watching all of his work and public appearances, familiarizing myself with his personality and background, and exploring the fandom that had built up around him. the blog gave me a place to play, while the fandom gave me a voice. I stumbled into drama at the beginning but it eventually evened out, and ‘fandom’ became an integral part of my everyday routine. It did calm me, the routine and the serene nature of the man himself. but things change, whether we give them permission to or not.
Things changed for me in regards to Richard Armitage, and I wasn’t ready for them to; my opinions, my perceptions, my routine. I tried to hang on with an iron tight grip, which only made things harder in the end. eventually I had to stop blogging about Richard Armitage and pull back from the fandom (after many half-hearted attempts). When I finally did, I felt it was the right decision. I felt good about it, didn’t regret it (still don’t) but it left many unanswered questions for me: why did it change for me? when did it start changing? how did it change?
After I closed the blog, I focused on another celebrity crush and put Richard and everything that went with him on the shelf for awhile. I took him back off that shelf recently and am ready to try and figure out the answers to those questions; hence, this writing exercise. the fan blog was about celebrating and highlighting favorites in a playful manner, these posts are going to be more introspective. It will be all about my feelings: what I felt about Richard at certain times, how I regarded him, and then the progression of how that changed. I’ll be doing this by taking past things that I have said about him in conversation, and using those excerpts as thoughts to ponder.
I’m still a fan of Richard Armitage, I still enjoy his work and personality, but what/how I enjoy has changed. I need to pinpoint that in order to find a new routine in regards to him, a new kind of calm. it’s about to get personal; I’m both excited and nervous to see what I find.
Yours in Armitage,