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Don’t Get Me Wrong

31 Aug

Chrissie Hynde, lead singer of The Pretenders, recently made comments supporting the “don’t dress provocatively” stance in regards to rape. while I understand the need to act proactively and help women help themselves, these kinds of statements suggest that responsibility lies with the victim.

I feel this stance is too simplistic and even a hindrance to the overall problem. yes, women should be proactive and protect themselves but men should also control their baser nature and not expect that just because they want something, they should get it. where do you draw the line with this angle? “provocative” can be subjective. look at what goes on in some parts of the Middle-East: covering women from head to toe, and in some instances even shielding their eyes, because skin is enticing, hair is enticing, eyes are enticing, and so women should cover themselves to help the men fight their natural urges. if the men see something and can’t be trusted to take it without permission, why not blindfold them instead? why does the responsibility lay with the woman alone? 

 

debating rape issues isn’t so black and white because there is not just one kind of rape. there’s violent rape that takes place in back alleys by strangers and there’s drunken rape that takes place at parties by people you know, there’s even rape that happens between couples when sex has already been initiated, but it’s all rape and it’s all a power play and I suspect that a large number of them would still happen regardless of how the woman was dressed. what about the women who don’t dress provocatively? they get raped too (more often than you might think); covering too much can be seen as a form of provocation, a challenge to see what’s really underneath.

 

unfortunately the issues surrounding rape cases are often circular. if a rape case is brought to trial, the victim may be badgered to the point that they will drop the charges. I say “if” because even though the victim was brave enough to report the crime, they do not want to be subjected to the kind of scrutiny and slander that comes with a rape case, so many will either drop the charges or agree to a plea bargain so that they do not have to appear in court. we want the victims to seek justice, we want the criminals to pay fully for their crime and thus deter future incidents committed by others, but the trauma surrounding not only the act itself but the aftermath is highly emotional for the victim and they may want their part in it wrapped up as quickly as possible so that they can move forward.

 

although most discussions regarding rape involve a female as the victim of a male, rape is not only a female issue: males can also be rape victims of females, along with same gender instances as well. when it all comes down to it though, when someone says they are uncomfortable– for any reason–and they want to stop, you STOP. it doesn’t matter how you got to that point or why you got to that point, they are no longer willing.

 

so although I’m sure that Chrissie had good intentions with the statements that she made, I feel she is just helping to reinforce the view that it’s the woman who needs to take responsibility while the man (or “rapist”, regardless of gender) can continue to take none.

man-leering-at-woman

 

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8 Comments

Posted by on August 31, 2015 in other

 

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8 responses to “Don’t Get Me Wrong

  1. Servetus

    September 5, 2015 at 6:11 pm

    It’s getting to the point that when female public figures say stuff like that this, that I wonder if they are just trying to get attention, get themselves mentioned on the front page again. (Sorry to be cynical.) As you say, the problem is complex, and this kind of statement is just the sort of unsubtle headline that the media love to expose.

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    • KellyDS

      September 5, 2015 at 8:07 pm

      I agree that many females in the public eye do seem to say things just to stir up reactions these days, though I can’t say if Chrissie was doing that purposefully when she said these things. it did feel very blatant and in your face but my first reaction was to feel sorry for her. sorry that someone made her feel that what happened to her was her fault, and that she continues to believe it.

      growing up in a rural area, I was always taught to avoid taking walks in the woods by myself during mating season for deer. the males get very aggressive that time of year and they are much more likely to confront you in some way rather than run away, like they normally would. avoiding putting myself in that situation was not only me taking responsibility for my own safety but also respecting the wild animal’s natural instinct. but a man is not a wild animal, no matter how outdated stereotypes may give him permission to act like one. he is not chained to blind reaction, he has a choice. while enticing clothing and flirtatious manners may cloud that choice for some, it does not cancel it out altogether. placing the blame solely with the female is not only unfair to her as the victim but unfair to the general male population as well. when someone says that a woman’s revealing clothing caused her to get raped, I feel affronted for both genders– the female as the “cock tease” and the male as the wild rutting animal :/

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  2. Servetus

    September 5, 2015 at 8:10 pm

    Oh, I totally agree with you. It’s true that some men who commit assault say “I did it because she _______” but that’s an excuse, not a cause. People who make that excuse would simply find another reason if that one were not available.

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  3. Servetus

    October 11, 2015 at 6:01 pm

    Thought this article might interest you: http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2015/10/the-public-shaming-of-chrissie-hynde/409234/

    I heard the interview and thought she was being kind of awful. She wrote a book but she doesn’t want to talk about it?

    Liked by 1 person

     
    • KellyDS

      October 11, 2015 at 7:56 pm

      what I want to know is: when is her next album coming out/when is she touring in a city near me? I doubt younger people even know who Chrissie Hynde is…but they do now 😉

      Liked by 1 person

       
      • Servetus

        October 11, 2015 at 7:57 pm

        She did not reveal that information in the interview as far as I can tell, but she also was not asked.

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        • KellyDS

          October 11, 2015 at 8:15 pm

          not to be the cynic but someone doesn’t open up a can of worms like that and then just shrug it off without an agenda. either they said something without thinking it through and dug a hole they can’t get out of or they threw an explosive topic out there on purpose for some kind of attention, whether that be personal or professional. if it’s the former, I hope some wisdom was gained from the experience at least.

          Liked by 1 person

           
  4. Servetus

    October 11, 2015 at 8:19 pm

    The article I linked suggested that she was somewhat blindsided by the venom she received for her remarks — she is apparently not socially mediatized. But I tend to agree with you.

    Liked by 1 person

     

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