Falling Into “The Fall”

So remember how I was curious about the television show Hannibal because Richard Armitage is set to have an upcoming role in it, but I ended up becoming uncomfortable getting into the “serial killer” head space? Well, it seems I’m just picky about what kind of serial killer because I had no problem jumping headlong into Jamie Dornan’s serial killer, Paul Spector, in The Fall
It started with me being curious about Jamie Dornan’s part in the Fifty Shades of Grey movie. As I mentioned recently, I’m more than a little familiar with that character and was on the fence about whether or not Jamie could pull off the part. I remember Jamie from his short stint as the Sheriff in the television series Once Upon a Time and knew that the circles he ran in overlapped somewhat with those of my one-time crush Robert Pattinson, but I wasn’t really familiar with Jamie’s acting work. While browsing through clips on YouTube, I kept seeing The Fall suggested in relation to Jamie. After looking it up on IMDb, I saw that it was about a serial killer. Oh. do I really want to click on that? I’m a curious person by nature, so of course I clicked; and it was such a pleasant surprise! (well, maybe “pleasant” isn’t the right word, since he’s a killer and all..) I watched the first two episodes on my laptop while family life bustled around me. Then, when the family left to attend a community event,  I spent the next 5 hours engrossed in a television series about a serial strangler set in Ireland. I did not see that turn of events coming when I decided to search out Christian Grey! 
What do I like about the series? I like the pace of the story first and foremost, the time it devotes to setting the scene and not just jumping straight into the action. I like that Paul doesn’t really talk that much: we see him indulging in his secret fetish and trying to hide it from his normal life (so in a way, we’re stalking him…). I like that the visuals don’t focus on violence for shock-value, it’s more the whys than the hows, and we understand (at least intellectually) what these acts mean to Paul. I also like the flip side of the storyline, with Stella (Gillian Anderson) as the police investigator who is dealing with political red tape as she tries to link the murders and track down the killer. Stella is very good at her job and her self-assured demeanor, along with a few sexual liaisons, play into the perception that she’s a cold, sexually empowered, modern woman; a similar type of woman to those that Paul seems to be targeting. 
Paul is a grief counselor (of all things!) who stalks and then strangles professional women, posing them after death and taking pictures of them, to get his personal kicks from later. He’s married to a nurse who often works nights, which clashes with his volunteer work on a suicide hotline. Their life consists of the hustle and bustle of getting the kids dressed, fed and off to school while doing what needs to be done for their jobs; the “ships passing in the night” phenomenon of two working parents. The kids are adorable, by the way, especially the daughter, who plays a significant role in Paul’s life.
Meanwhile Paul spends his spare time sneaking about and stalking his victims, casing their apartments, breaking in and moving things around to spook them before returning to finish what he’s started. The way the story unfolds bit by bit, presenting the puzzle pieces and then slowly connecting them, is something I greatly appreciate. It seems to be the norm these days to throw all the info at you in a very fast pace, mixed in with all the drama of the main player’s lives that has little to do with the story at hand (the police investigation/crime). I find the camera work stimulating in this series too: the way it flits about from watching Paul, to seeing things from Paul’s point of view, and back again. 
This is one of those stories that pulls you in opposite and sometimes confusing directions. I know what Paul is doing is wrong and I feel for the innocent people that get hurt along the way but I’m drawn to him, and secretly hope he continues to get away with it. It makes me examine what “normal” really is and how much I might ignore if I were in these character’s shoes.
I tried to get my husband to rewatch the series with me but after just two episodes he wasn’t impressed. While I liked the slow unfolding of events, he wanted the faster pace. And while I reveled in the Irish accent, I think he found it distracting. At any rate, if you haven’t seen Jamie Dornan in The Fall, I highly recommend it!



9 thoughts on “Falling Into “The Fall”

        1. Gillian Anderson seems to think that it has a good chance of going forward. I don’t know. he’d have to escape and then be on the run. I hope they add a twist in there somewhere b/c the whole “fugitive” thing is cliche :/


  1. Interesting point about how you were able to move past the “serial killer” theme. It’s interesting, the places our minds will let us go!


    1. this series wasn’t rooted in violence and it really tried to humanize the “evil”, which is the major difference I think. the Red Dragon stuff is just too dark for me. which is odd when you think about it b/c I was all jumpy after reading that book, and yet it’s probably more likely that I’d come into contact with someone like Paul Spector in my everyday life than Francis Dolarhyde. better the devil you know.


  2. Seems a little far-fetched if the person targeted has already put a number of tags in place… however I did find it amusing when I saw three bottles of coffee milk missing the other day within hours of me placing them there. However my daughter spoke a little truth today, when she pointed out to me that testing someone’s loyalty or mental capacities can be taken too far at some point, so that it is no longer a loving lesson but an act of cruelty. For you, would you say that you feel like the thrill of becoming recognised for your clever accomplishments outdoes the inner calm of knowing that in actual fact it is your soul which is recognised through your writings (obviously), but more importantly, that the simple presence of your magical and deeply intelligent soul is felt and appreciated by those on the same plane of existence?
    Certainly for me this feeling of recognition is warming for my heart, however I felt like I was deceiving the world and myself as I grew increasingly burdened and stressed with my family’s troubles. It can be so hard for anyone to experience such a huge responsibility and outward pressures and then feel like a failure every time that seeps into biting back at the children, just as they do constantly… because they are kids! As an adult I didn’t feel like I had that right to, and the guilt would gnaw at me, only worsening my self-perception. Before long, I had become a mashable and useable toy, kicked around by the world at whim — which is what I had already worked upon for so much of my adult life and thought I was really there!! Then I had this very confident and dismissive long-term lover, who was consistently rearranging our relationship as he pleased. It had a greater effect on me that I cared to admit. I became convinced that all men were completely afraid of commitment, and that to be able to move into future connections I needed to pull right back and let them lead the way. To a certain degree this is a valuable quality for a relationship to have, as no-one likes the pressure of moving faster than their comfort zone. However, with this man I was way too patient, and happily allowed him all the freedom and trust, which is great — but the lesson I learned was that my choices were important too, and my boundaries were very reasonable (there were no restrictions upon him, only that I would feel respected and cared about — and he took full advantage of that) — so the true cracks emerged as it became apparent that he was constantly lying (not little white lies, but big huge gaping shockers of lies). It was there that we hit our downfall, I had lost all faith and respect in him almost exactly the same time as he fell deeply and madly in love with me. It was a tragic way for it all to end, with his friends and my friends both playing their own mindless and selfish parts that impacted our bond (well, what we had left, as he really gave me the impression he was happy to play the single life for as long as he could until he ran out of steam).
    Immediately following the break-up I met this other amazing guy. Straight up he told me his walls were up and appeared to be making noises that he was afraid of marriage. He was so very handsome that I pulled my heart close and decided that at least it would be wonderful to connect with someone new and if only friendly dating then a great way to break the ice that had been closing over my fragile heart (mind you, I had only recently had a heart operation for a genetic condition only a few months prior!).
    But something happened.
    On my birthday, I fell in love. It was as clear as day and as astonishing as the universe.
    I had experienced affections and put my toe in the water with so very many dates and boyfriends, or kisses… and only a few were of a high chemistry.
    But this chemistry was not what I expected. It surpassed all the others at blinding speed! I finally knew what it meant to reach unheard of experiences in ecstasy and fascination, and look at a man who was not perfect but all of a sudden became absolutely perfect in my eyes and soul. I wanted to savour every morsel and knew that there was no part of his mind, body and soul that I wanted to know.
    Little did I know he was also privately celebrating a big milestone. It really is kind of funny; him not telling me about his huge win and me keeping quiet that I had opted for a “quiet” night in with this handsome man instead of partying the night away with my friends. But I’m not usually that type of woman anyway; I always find I get swamped with men and I don’t find it enjoyable in the slightest! It’s flattering but it is not my scene, I much prefer quality time with quality people and the nightlife can often take on a stale and unpleasant odour of whimsical, fake, and egotistical dimensions.

    Anyway, I remember when he and I kissed in the kitchen, and he said he wasn’t going to hurt (my heart), I remember in that moment knowing that he meant it. Truly meant it.

    My confusion turned to despair when he went away, because our bond was halted in mid step, unable to progress to even the point where I was able to regain my dignity… my self-confidence held for a while in faith that he would recognise the rarity of our bond before an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness to the situation descended me. I wondered if this is how people sometimes live with these choices; either find the one who is like no other, or settle for someone else and live with knowing that you have settled? I couldn’t do that to another person, I really couldn’t… so maybe if he and I don’t reconnect it will take a while before I seriously consider taking a man close to me without it being for simply physical and friendly needs…

    I guess we shall see. But also, I guess it depends on how much I am willing to compromise my self-worth. I feel like I have finally found him, but at the same time, am growing weary and a little pissed off at the mind games. There’s only so much a woman can be tested. And I could be tested to extremes and still be clinically sane, however I am not willing to do that at this point because a fire is lit inside me again. And it is all thanks to him. And I am so grateful, because that is how humans truly display kind and patient love. But now, I need to get going on this. My time in recovery has gone longer than planned, and I can’t wait to get stuck into being the best version of myself that I was becoming a few years ago. But this version is going to be even better, and much more useful. And it is thanks to this divine man.


    Not even gonna proof read, just gonna hit send. =)


  3. I wrote quite a novel there, but sometimes a person’s genuine interest in a woman of great power or power potential can be intriguing or they are simply the focus of someone’s love and compassion…whatever the case, I think that in recent years a person looking in would be surprised at what they find… that a person who has been built up with interior strength from outward circumstances is still at times susceptible to stress overload and will increasingly adopt coping/avoiding behaviours as their body and mind gets increasingly exhausted. As a person who experiences empathy in waves of intense emotion, and therefore has much more empathy than the average person, will appear as if they actually have less empathy when the highly emotionally-charged situations cause them to freeze in an inward mind bubble that swirls in rich colours of emotions… and it appears that the person has shut down, or reacts without compassion.

    In a way they have closed off to immediately responding to further waves of intense emotion flowing at them, but really they are taking time to deal with the intensity of their feelings and thoughts to be able to find solutions, even if that means not immediately responding to children fighting or crying — which in turn only increases the bids for attention; it can be a harsh cycle to break free from. The despair one feels in not having the right words to say or the incapacity to drop everything mid-chore whenever little spats arise, can really test one’s feelings of being adequate as a single provider. As a mum, my only goal is to provide my kids with a loving nest from which to grow confidently and competently. At some point (with their conditions and with lack of support for myself, my positive actions and endless efforts became exhausted).

    However, I am glad that my friends come to me when distressed, as they know I am going to provide them with an ear, a hug, genuine concern for their well-being, and positive encouragement. Unfortunately for me, I found that my life’s happenings were far outweighing most people’s comprehension of emotional intensity, and that often their ability to reciprocate was not there. Inadvertently, this meant dealing with it alone (and re-evaluating these so-called “friends”!!).

    However, this man stepped in and snapped me out of it, which at this extreme point of stress in my life, I said I didn’t need… but actually I kinda did need it. Also, I couldn’t forget him, no matter how much I tried… and he must be so annoyed at me for guessing so many incorrect scenarios… but you see, physically and intellectually he is my dream guy… and of course I felt his soul energy at the time. It turns out that he is more amazing, impressive, stunning, and talented that I could have ever imagined!! Lost for words… still trying to wrap my head around it all, is there anything this guy doesn’t do? He is doing everything I would have like to do if I hadn’t been delivered the responsibility of being everything my kids and pets depend on for ten years… but there is still time now, I am still very young and feel it… the kids are getting older and we are starting to adapt to their conditions so that our lives become more functional… everything is changing… 🙂


    1. how we appear to others is often misleading. most days I feel like a chaotic mess inside but others see me as confident, aloof, detached. it’s the walls I unconsciously put up for protection, I guess. on one hand I’m glad I don’t automatically come across as the unsure, awkward, overthinking person I am on the inside but on the other hand I feel it’s a shame that I’m turning them away without even realizing it; that I’m cutting off that chance for me to know them and for them to know me. we’re all a work in progress 🙂

      as for your guy and the feelings that he’s awakened in you, I hope you two find yourselves on the same page eventually. when life gets in the way and hard choices have to be made, I’m always on the side of love ❤


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