so which is it?

Celebrity Crush vs Muse- is there a difference?

like disco lemonade

When I talk about my favorite actors on this blog, I generally label them ‘celebrity crush’, and describe my feelings as admiration and inspiration. I tend to focus on their acting ability, their charisma on and off the screen, and the parts of their personality that we see during promotional appearances and interviews.

visually I like their facial gestures, the way their body moves, and the clothing that they use to express themselves. if they also have other talents, like singing or writing, that is a big plus for me; it means that they are creative and that maybe they can relate to what it means to be inspired.

When a fangirl talks about her celebrity crush, she tends to relate the feelings to romantic love, mostly in a playful way. she may call him her movie boyfriend or assign him a numbered slot on her ‘list’. she appreciates his talents as well as his physical attributes, but often focuses more on the latter because it’s fun to do with other like minded fangirls. it’s like a school girl crush but with more distance to make the heart grow fonder.

When an artist talks about their muse, deep rooted feelings are at play, making it difficult to explain as easily as one would a simple ‘crush’. a muse is someone who kick starts one’s creative process, a frame to build upon. a muse is able to channel restless energy and bring it out into the world in order to restore a feeling of balance within.

I’ve talked a lot about how a celebrity crush starts for me, how I see an actor in something and he catches my eye, but then I just can’t seem to shake him. I can’t get his character’s story out of my mind, or his song lyrics won’t let me sleep,

I suddenly see him popping up all over the place when just a few days ago I had no idea that he existed. so then I’m off on a quest, using IMDb and Youtube as my maps, and I become consumed. unconditionally and irrevocably.

I start blogging about him. I playfully caption images, I share my favorite videos, I write about how I relate to him or his characters and how that helps me grow as a person. sometimes I write poems, sometimes I write stories, sometimes I pour my heart out and sometimes I laugh and make fun of myself, but it all stems from him. is it a romance thing? I’m married, I already have someone to cuddle with, someone who brings me flowers just to see me smile, someone who watches me more than the television shows we sit through together because he finds my reactions entertaining.

for me, it’s about identity through storytelling, the stories they create that I see myself in, and the stories they help me create about my life or the things I imagine. so, that’s more of a muse. but they do really cute things sometimes and I generally find them rather nice to look at, so that’s more like a crush.

The terms ‘crush’ and ‘muse’ come with judgments. ‘crush’ suggests a more juvenile connotation, while muse sounds artsy and intellectual. I don’t feel artsy and intellectual when I fawn over Dan’s shoes or Ansel’s house, I feel lighthearted and silly, in the best of ways!

little known fact: a muse is just a crush with glasses.

so while they may indeed act as muses, ‘crush’ is just easier to say because it brings to mind a light playful feeling, like the way their playful antics light me up.

so let it be what it’ll be
don’t make a fuss
…it’s just a little crush


[song lyrics from Crush by Jennifer Paige]

once I got to know him

Dream Diary

I was in high school and had recently moved, attending a new school. Joe was friends with some of the students I had become friendly with, which made me both nervous and excited; excited because I was developing a little crush on him, and nervous because I was acutely aware that I could and probably would make a fool of myself in his presence.

one evening after school I was attending a sporting event for my younger sister. the coach pulled me aside and handed me a touchscreen tablet, saying that I needed to fill out contact information for my sister. I took the device as I walked up the bleachers to find a seat and spotted Joe, who just so happened to be sitting on a bench with ample space around him. I sat down next to him but not too close, so it didn’t look obvious that I wanted to sit with him. the tablet wasn’t working correctly or maybe I just didn’t know how to use it, either way it was making me flustered, which I’m sure Joe caught on to since I had been told many times by others that I didn’t have a poker face. in the end, I just placed the tablet on the empty spot beside me, leaving it there at the end of the game so I wouldn’t be confronted by the coach for not filling it in right. the event ran really late, and I was tired already because I had come there from work; I was practically dead on my feet by that point. Joe was standing with me, engaging me in small talk while I waited for my sister to be done. maybe it was the over tiredness but surprisingly I wasn’t a nervous wreck around him and the mundane small talk soon moved into a flirty conversation. it started to feel more and more intimate, which surprised the hell out of me!

Joe was concerned that I was so tired and offered to drive my sister and I home. this meant we would have to ride the bus in the morning, since my car would already be at school, but I was more than okay with that because Joe was driving me home! and if that wasn’t great enough, he drove a small pick up truck with a bench seat, meaning I sat in the middle next to him. my sister was listening to her headphones, not paying any attention to us. the ride was quiet as we listened to the radio but we were both softly singing to the songs. I may have been sitting closer to him than was really necessary and I may have grabbed onto his arm when he took a bend in the road too fast. I never let go, but he didn’t seem to mind; that intimate feeling was still there. I heard his singing voice more clearly during a song and I really liked it. without thinking, I put my hand on his chest so that I could feel him sing, since it was hard to hear at such a soft volume. he curiously asked what I was doing and I playfully told him, so then he sang a little louder so that I could really feel it. he thought this was cute, funny even with the way I was acting, but I was more ‘awake’ than he thought I was. I wanted to take full advantage of the situation, so I laid my head on his shoulder, my mouth very close to his neck, and sang along with him.

when we got to my house, my sister got out of the truck and went right inside but I stayed to say good-bye. Joe said he would pick us up for school in the morning too, since I didn’t have my car. my house was out of his way, so this was more than him just being polite. I kept staring at his lips while he talked and he noticed, laughingly asking what was so interesting about them. I said they looked so soft. the air around us became charged but I had to get out of the car and go inside before my parents noticed. as I was getting out, I ducked back in quickly and gave him a kiss. when I walked around the car and came back close to his side he teasingly asked if his lips were as soft as they looked. I said it happened too quickly for me to tell, I’d have to take a longer try tomorrow. this made him laugh out loud and I gave him a big smile as we waved good night to each other. the next morning I was nervous, afraid that Joe would act differently, like nothing had happened. it looked like that’s exactly what was happening when I realized he wasn’t picking us up after all and we would have to ride the bus.

I was brand new to the school, hadn’t even finished a full week yet, so I still didn’t know my way around very well. I was pissed at the morning’s events and I wanted to search Joe out and see what his excuse was for breaking his promise. I found him and his friends in the cafeteria, laughing loudly and being annoying. I walked right up to the table and bluntly asked him what his deal was. he was still somewhat laughing at his friends but looked me up and down and said he had no idea what I was talking about. I was mad when I stormed in there but then I was just hurt, defeated, because I knew this would happen, I just knew it. nothing that good could actually happen to me and be real. he saw those emotions flash across my face and his cocky smile faltered. he asked in a nicer voice if I was okay, while his friends continued to say teasing things beside him. I looked straight into his eyes then and realized he looked different than he did last night. not just the hair, which looked chaotic on purpose instead of messily haphazard, but his eyes and his stance…something was wrong, he was wrong. I was so confused! did I really dream the whole thing and imagined a different version of him? I didn’t know what to do, so I gave a heartfelt “I am so sorry” and bolted out of the room. he followed me into the hallway, grabbing my arm to turn me around, and asked again if I was okay. I opened my mouth to speak but then I heard my name called from the other end of the hall. I quickly turned my head to see see Joe jogging up to us. I turned back to whoever was standing in front of me. what the hell was going on?! I started backing away from him as Joe came up to my side, and I flinched away from him as well. Joe looked from me to the other guy and back to me again. I was frozen. Joe then asked the guy what was going on and the guy said he had no idea, just that I came into the cafeteria and yelled at him. he also asked Joe where he’d been anyway. Joe said his truck wouldn’t start, and then he called the guy a dick for not waking him up on time. they’re twin brothers! I felt so stupid. I was mortified! my lip started trembling and the brother said “oh shit, she’s going to cry!” in a panicked voice, like that was the worst thing that could possibly happen. that made me want to laugh and so I did, while still trying not to cry. the brother looked scared, which made me laugh harder. I pulled myself together then and addressed the brother, saying how sorry I was. I looked from Joe, who had moved closer to me in concern, back to his brother and said “I’m an idiot. I’ve only been here for a few days. I didn’t know there were two of you!” Joe pulled me into a side hug as my face turned tomato red and he laughed, placing a kiss on my temple. the brother was shocked for a moment but then he started laughing too.

the bell rang and the hall started filling up with other kids. the brother backed away while still laughing and said his name was Steve and that I should feel free to yell at him anytime, which would probably be often once I got to know him. he turned around then and disappeared into the crowd. I looked at the floor and shook my head, continuing to laugh at myself in embarrassment. Joe used his finger to bring my chin back up to eye level, glancing over my face to make sure I was okay. my blush came back and I rolled my eyes at myself. he pulled me into a full on hug and said I was adorable. we were going to be late for our classes, so we split up to go in different directions. Joe turned around as he was walking away and cheekily said his name was Joe and that I should kiss him anytime that I wanted, which would probably be a lot once I got to know him. then he turned back around and headed off to class.


this is what happens when you like both an actor and the fictional character he plays but you see them as two separate people, and you spend an undisclosed amount of time watching interviews of one and reading fan-fiction of the other…



Dan Stevens as David Haller, aka Legion- the third and final season is winding down with only one episode left but I want to give a shout out for all the different personalities that Dan portrayed throughout this show that have undoubtedly been overlooked. it’s obvious when he shows up as multiple versions of himself on screen but there have been many times throughout all three seasons where you can see different traits acted out within the same body, that can easily be brushed off as out of character flukes. no. they were on purpose and they were appreciated by those of us who caught them. Dan is a brilliant actor. that is all.

don’t hate me but I love this shoe/sock combination

Grab Bag

While I have a few actual posts ‘marinating’, as Richard Armitage would say, here’s a haphazard collection of recent Ansel Elgort/Joe Keery themed things I’ve been enjoying:


*I’ve been drowning in my Google alerts for Ansel since Mtv released the snippet of an interview with Josh Horowitz where Ansel teases the possibility of a sequel to Baby Driver.
*speaking of Google alerts, Joe Keery releases new music and there are some excited murmurings but when the connection of Joe Keery to Steve Harrington is made, news of the single blows up my inbox! the single itself, Roddy, has a relaxing feel to it but then, just when you think the song is winding down, some dope electronic beats show up to wind it back up again.
tangent- remember when dope was another word for idiot? or marijuana. remember when lit meant drunk or high? remember when tight meant constricting?  or when low key wasn’t interchangeable with high key? or when slap meant to hit someone? and tea was a hot beverage…
I think he’s talking about candy, but I could be wrong.
*in another snippet from the Josh Horowitz Mtv interview with Ansel, he jokes about losing the coveted younger version of Theo in The Goldfinch to his costar, Oakes Fegley . I love Ansel in interviews- stoic at first glance, before he can’t hold back any longer and the playful goof that he actually is comes out. it’s oh so addicting to me!
*while cringing at recent pics of Joe where he’s sporting a mustached greasy haired look due to his role alongside Ryan Reynolds in Free Guy (no link, because I refuse to subject you to that), this vid of he and girlfriend Maika recreating the lift from Dirty Dancing at a backyard get-together, complete with Steve Harrington era hair, came as a very welcome surprise:


*Ansel was spotted recently during a night shoot for West Side Story
but sadly no footage of him dancing or singing accompanied the pics. until I happened to be browsing Youtube today and found some! if you listen closely you can hear him singing Maria:
*and to close out, I will once again indulge my love of Steve Harrington & fanvids:

say that three times fast!

Dan posted a beautiful picture on Instagram of the chalky white Seven Sisters cliffs while filming Blithe Spirit in Sussex, England. Seven Sisters Sussex- say that three times fast! I can’t even say it once…

View this post on Instagram

🌊☀ #blithespirit

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