It’s You I Fall Into


[Stranger Things spoilers ahead]


Stranger Things season 4: volumes 1 and 2 are out now, so I can not only rest easy that Steve Harrington is safe and relatively unharmed (minus losing a chunk of flesh from a demo bat attack, but it afforded us a prolonged view of his shirtless torso, so it all worked out) but also that all those lingering glances between him and former love Nancy Wheeler might be hinting at a rekindled romance.

Steve continued his character progression in a big way this season by actually thanking Nancy for breaking his heart when she ended their romantic relationship in season 2, because it was the ‘thump to the head’ that he needed in order to become a better person. over the course of four seasons, many more fans have come to recognize Steve’s character development and are now in his corner, which makes me happy, even though they still dismiss his season 1 self as the popular jock who isn’t worth anyone’s time.

I strongly disagree with that assessment, and this is why

And so that is how I unexpectedly found myself browsing fanvids a few days ago, to bolster the hope of Steve finally getting the girl in season 5. I was never a die hard Stancy (Steve+Nancy) shipper, I just wanted Steve to find a love interest that made him happy; it didn’t really matter to me who he found that happiness with.

I was even ok with it being Robin in season 3, because sometimes she reminds me of someone I know really well…

I then stumbled across a fanvid that so enticingly captures the dormant feelings that came to the surface between Steve & Nancy this season, that my suggested videos on Youtube now think I’m firmly on board the ship because of how often I’ve been watching it. but I can’t help it! the creator does such a good job of showing all the subtle glances from the current season, while also flashing back to past seasons to call attention to the love story that was buried beneath all the monsters and mayhem.

It’s that song choice that’s really captured me, a throw back to an older style that is both haunting and wildly romantic. 

note: the song has been enhanced (reverb) for this fanvid, making it slower than the original, which is what really gives it that haunting quality. fanvids/edits often do this to get around copyrights. the problem is, that I end up liking the enhanced versions too much!

I just hope that whatever it is about this that’s been pulling at me so strongly lets up soon, because I’d really like to sleep without it playing on a loop in my head.

I would never fall in love again until I found her
I said, I would never fall unless it’s you I fall into
I was lost within the darkness, but then I found her
I found you


me, past the point of no return b/c my battery is dead from playing this song so often
[song lyrics from Until I Found You by Stephen Sanchez]

A Funny Thing Happened While Awaiting the Premiere…


You know how I’ve been eagerly awaiting the Star Wars based Kenobi Disney+ series, not least of which because Hayden Christensen could appear as some form of Anakin Skywalker and will definitely appear as some form of Darth Vader? yet when the promo junket kicked into high gear last week, did I gobble up all the interview snippets and photo calls with Hayden & Ewan? no. I scrolled past them because they were blocking my view of former OOA Robert Pattinson.

It’s not that I’m not looking forward to watching Kenobi, although I’m torn because Stranger Things season 4 is releasing on the same day (today) and I do love me some Joe Keery as Steve Harrington.

Joe Keery as Joe Keery is pretty great too

Why do I do this? I was greatly anticipating Ansel Elgort in Tokyo Vice and really enjoyed watching it these last two months, so it’s not a matter of the chase not living up to the actual catch. there wasn’t much of a press junket for Tokyo Vice though, aside from Ansel himself sharing pics of his costars on his Instagram account. I mostly ignored The Batman promos until I actually saw the movie, because I didn’t want to run across spoilers. I’ve since gobbled up my fair share of those interviews, so maybe it’s a case of too much all at once, after there being nothing for so long? 

press junkets.

The renewed interest in Rob surprised me at first but after thinking about it, it makes sense.  my offline life is very hectic right now, with my son graduating college and my daughter graduating high school. son is also getting married. I’ve been physically and emotionally stretched thin this spring/summer with ceremonies and parties and extended family visits, so falling back to someone/something that is familiar and brings with it good memories, has been a big comfort to me.

me, secretly hoping my daughter elopes

For now, I’m just trying to stay relaxed and center myself. maybe I’ll write some reaction posts once things settle down and I’ve caught up on everything I want to watch. teaser:

  • I loved The Batman, maybe even more than The Dark Knight *gasp* Rob’s fighting style and Batman voice have brought me back for multiple viewings.
  • I found Tokyo Vice really interesting, although the abundance of subtitles and accents made it hard to follow sometimes. the cast brought forth quite a few solid performances though.
  • speaking of impressive acting, after watching Oscar Isaac in Dune and Moon Knight, I think he’s someone I need to watch more of.

Until then, I’m just content revisiting Rob. his laugh and his smile and all his adidas sneakers.

Watch Him Sparkle


The Robert Pattinson-Twilight fandom was my first substantial experience with fandom and collectively fangirling about a celebrity crush. it introduced me to all of the ways that fans can be creative and bring joy to each other through the object of their shared affection. Rob himself was such a joy to me during that time because he was so un-Hollywood. he wore clothes that you know he literally picked up off the floor


and he was a PR team’s nightmare with the way that he fidgeted continually during interviews and blurted things out that were TMI or simply not true. he’d much rather be hanging out with his friends without everyone’s eyes on him, and it showed. while screaming teenage girls were known to be his fanbase, a big chunk of his fans were actually 10 to 20 years his senior. he endeared us to him with his boyish ways and the charismatic smolder that he so easily switched on for photos. many of us saw the man that was lurking under that trademark jawline, anticipating the years ahead that would bring him out. 

A little over a decade has passed since then, and while his clothes appear better cared for

he still gives his PR team stress headaches on the regular during interviews, though with a little less fidgeting now (but his hand-in-hair game is still strong) he has a new influx of teenage fans again, as well as those his age and older. he’s still un-Hollywood and he still would rather not have everyone’s eyes on him. he hasn’t lost the youthfulness that first drew us to him, but it’s rounded out now with a confidence that’s earned him a solid foothold in the industry that is both recognized and admired by many. 


Rob turns 36 years old today, and the heart of the boy that held me so captive is still beating a rhythm that continues to ensnare me.


I’m stuck on a boy
who fills me with joy


Apple Store Interview 2008- I loved anytime he would wear the beanie hat, and the way he would twist himself into a pretzel just to sit on a chair.


picture so pretty
he is so pretty to me


Black Book Magazine 2012 by Autumn de Wilde- posing in front of a wall of roller skates with his arm labeled as ‘arm’ in marker, was one of my all time favorite photos of him.


He doesn’t know how I pine


Just look in his eyes
They’re blue as the skies


Interview Magazine 2018 by Ryan McGinley- I may not be a fan of sand but I am a fan of this photoshoot. 


picture so pretty
he is so pretty to me

San Sebastian Film Festival 2018- still ensnared.

[song lyrics from Your Song by Kate Walsh]


Always Changing

“People are always changing, and the more you put something down in print, people form opinions and they’re constantly creating who they think you are. If you do something that contradicts that, or if you do something which goes out of that box, then you can look like a liar” ~Robert Pattinson, GQ 2017

Robert Pattinson by Ellen von Unwerth for Wonderland 2022

Sweet Fantasy

It’s been awhile since I’ve come across a movie that made me feel good just by watching it, the kind of story that’s funny and light with underlying heart, where I can find comfort knowing that love will win out in the end, although maybe not how I expected it to but exactly how I would want it to if given a choice. Free Guy is that movie. it makes me melt in a way I haven’t felt for years, a flashback for me to all those Rom-Coms I used to consume on a daily basis, before I let the real world make me too cynical to enjoy them anymore. I could just never find the right balance after that, something that could touch that fluffy place inside of me while also romancing my mind to keep me engaged. who knew it would be a goofy bank teller in a simulated world and the plight of his computer programmer counterparts, that would help me find it again?

The story centers around Guy (Ryan Reynolds), a video game character who doesn’t know he’s in a video game, and how his simple and comfortably repetitive life is upended when he experiences love at first sight with a real world person (Jodie Comer) who is playing the game. soon he’s taking part in the game himself and leveling up at an alarming rate just so that he can interact with his dream girl again. he realizes along the way that his world is more than he thought it was and that he has the power to make it better. on the flip side, Guy’s real-world dream girl is one half of a duo that actually created the foundations for the game but were hoodwinked into selling the rights for it and now she’s searching for proof of that fact, while her ex-partner (Joe Keery) slaves away for the game company, in denial of what has actually happened. it’s a classic story of rooting for the underdog vs the big bad corporation that only cares about money. and root I did! I became so invested in the fate of Guy and his world, hanging on the edge of my seat during car chases, fist fights, and covert game code operations.

any movie with a light saber battle, is a win in my book

What sets this film apart for me is the attention to detail, all those background things that bring another level of humor to the main storyline. like the city trash bins that are full of nothing but coffee cups because that’s the only thing the background characters drink, and how the menu at the coffee shop reflects the simplicity of their background existence, or the random people you’ll spot out of focus on the street repeatedly walking into walls or moving their arms around for no reason. I don’t play video games myself, so I’m sure I’m only catching the bare minimum of quirky details. I only know about this kind of world from listening to my son give detailed explanations (amid frustrated tantrums) over the years, which is why I found the scene where a prominent player interrupts the delivery of his catchphrase by yelling at his mother (who is vacuuming in the real-world), particularly funny. it’s the realism amidst the fictional world that makes this movie so enjoyable to watch. Taika Waititi as the greedy game publisher with his annoying yet delightful habit of riffing comedic diatribes every time he speaks is a favorite, as is Joe Keery’s gum chewing mustachioed police officer.






In any good romance, the ending is the clincher. it needs to deliver a long awaited reunion or awakening of feelings, culminating in a sweet dramatic kiss. this film has that, although not in a way I knew I needed until the end. Joe Keery with his big brown eyes behind geek-chic glasses, made this romantic twist extra enjoyable for me.

as the film unfolds you start to realize that if Guy and his dream girl end up together, it would be disappointing in a way because it’s so expected. until the unrequited romance of the two game developers is brought to light, which works out much better!

more than that though, is the idea that Guy can be happy without a romantic partner, that his happiness comes from living a life that he’s in control of, with companionship from his best friend and fellow game characters. I’ve never been so happy for the main character not to get the girl in the end.

Free Guy, with it’s abundance of pop culture references, playful nods to gaming culture, and acknowledgment of the monotonous ruts we all sometimes lose ourselves in, is the brand of escapism I need right now. eating bubblegum ice cream on a swing set with Maria Carey’s Fantasy playing on a loop, has never been more appealing!

it’s just a sweet sweet fantasy baby, when I close my eyes you come and you take me, on and on and on…

Free Guy is now streaming on Disney+ and HBOmax